Moving and Words of Kindness - September 5 2013

This is my life: I recently moved into a house that is beautiful, with roommates who I respect and enjoy. I got into all my classes at school just fine.  I am on track to graduate next semester and my whole life plan is going great. But despite these happy facts,  my first and second days back to school I was an absolute nervous wreck. It seems that every start of the semester I lose every ounce of confidence I ever collected. As my professors talk about their syllabuses (syllabus is a Greek word so to pluralize it, requires putting an es on the end FYI), and outline the requirements and expectations for the course, I forget the 103 college credits that I have earned maintaining a 3.89 GPA and become instantly doubtful that I can even spell my own name correctly. As I move to a new place I ignore all the evidence that I am able to make friends and have meaningful relationships and instead spend stupid amounts of time thinking that nobody likes me or has ever really liked me and I will die alone.
It’s obviously crazy and definitely exhausting.

Tuesday morning I was swimming through this stress and walking down the streets of Durango, when I started dealing with stress the same way I accidently deal with all unpleasant things, by crying. I was thus engaged (in front of Albertsons) when an old, rough looking, loitering, fellow said, “Hey, it’s alright, things will get better.” He spoke those words in a gentle and sincere manner, offering a kind smile and then continuing to drink his coffee and watch the goings on in the parking lot. I was so struck by his kindness, that I stopped crying, said an emphatic, “thank you”, and continued on my way.

That’s it, that’s the whole story. A gentle stranger showed me kindness, and it turned around my entire day.

Since that morning things have been getting steadily better. My situation is still the same (and it’s great), but my mind is changing. I realize that it will take time for me to feel right here, that my heart is a little torn by the things and people I have left behind in other places, but eventually I will fall into some kind of belonging.

Then I’ll probably move again…